Tag Archives: Laser Hair Removal

Destroy them with Lasers

So, this isn’t my typical post. But I change it up every now and then because I’m a spicy girl and I do spicy things. A couple weeks ago, a friend told me she wanted to buy a laser hair removal Groupon but wasn’t sure what to expect from the appointment. So she asked me a bunch of questions about my experience like, “why does Justin Beiber’s hair look so soft?” Then another friend suggested I write a post about it. So here is that post with those questions. Everything you never wanted to know about laser hair removal. (I swear I didn’t write the questions.)

What has been your experience with laser hair removal?

I’ve gone to two different places. One for my underarms (the place that asked me for a gratuity) and one for my bikini line. One of the places didn’t prepare me at all for the appointment and the other made sure that I knew everything before I came in. So, every place is different. I can tell you, it’s worth it.

What happens in an appointment?

It’s pretty simple. You lay down, put on a pair of dorky glasses to protect your eyes, and they get to zappin’. Sometimes they will use a clear gel as a conductor for the laser and sometimes they won’t. Five minutes later, you’re done.

The laser technician told me the area might feel sunburned afterwards, but that never happened for me.

How often do you have to go?

Every six weeks. Usually they recommend six appointments. So if you buy a Groupon, make sure it’s one with six appointments and not three.  After my  last underarm appointment, the girl recommended two “touch up” appointments which I haven’t made.

Did it hurt?

Hell yes. I’ve heard some people use numbing cream but I haven’t been offered it at either place. When I asked about it, I was told I could have it but I needed to come in 30 minutes early to apply it. I think we know how that went. Lazy = 1, Paula = o. The underarms hurt the most. It feels like 1000 crazy ass bees poking your pits at the same time.

The bikini line is far less painful but let’s be real, your privates are still being shot at with lasers.

How quickly do you see results?

After the first appointment. I didn’t have to shave for a week or more for both areas and even when I started shaving again, it was way less frequent.

Was it awkward?

The underarms, no. But letting someone laser around your junk is a different story. It’s not as horrifically uncomfortable as I imagined but I also wasn’t getting a Brazilian.

Some people take off their underwear, but I do not. If you do wear underwear when getting the bikini line done, wear white because the lasers love black and you don’t need your pants on fire. Or DO YOU?

Does it remove the hair completely?

No. It removes most of the hair (about 80%) but everyone is different.

Is there anything I need to do/know before I go?

  • Shave the area the day before your appointment and do it well, because if there is a stray hair, that sucker is getting burned off on top of your skin. And I speak from experience, that shit hurts.
  • Don’t expose the area to sun at all during treatment and don’t use lotion on the area being treated. (But you can use aloe afterwards.)
  • I’d recommend wearing a tank top for underarm hair removal and a skirt if you’re getting the bikini line done. Pants around your ankles is never a good look.

I have no advice for those of you that have the cajones to go full Brazilian. That crap is crazy and you are on your own.



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My Week of Nothing

So about that nothing I’ve been doing all week. I’m starting to impress myself with my capacity for laziness and a lack of will to get anything done. Or at least anything that makes me feel like I’m a useful member of society. So, here’s some of the useless things I’ve done this week. 🙂

1.  Dune is on TV right now, which was filmed in 1984. Patrick Stewart looks the same in this movie as he does right now. So I have been Googling Patrick Stewart pictures and I’ve come to the conclusion that he was born old and partially bald.

2.  Michelle just emailed me (because this is important information) that the daughter on Ringer (Zoey Duetch) is Lea Thompson’s daughter.

I don’t know why this blows my mind and why celebrity news is so important to me, but it is. I tried to tell hubs all about it but he just stares at me silently until I stop talking. So I’m telling you all instead. Also, no matter what anyone says, Howard the Duck is a good movie.

3. I went for my third laser hair removal appointment today. I still haven’t left a tip and now I’m feeling a little guilty about it. But not guilty enough to leave an actual tip. The place got a new laser machine that covers a lot more surface area than the last one, so I only need to be zapped 5 times instead of 10 or more. Also, the new machine was probably made in this century because it hurts 50% less that the last one did.

4.  Hubs was eating puff corn last night and found one that looks like a moustache. He deems that puff corn too cute and funny to eat. So now it’s sitting on our coffee table. At least until the ants carry it away.

5.  I finally finished The Death Cure.

Good lord it took me forever to read that book. While I liked the actual ending, it seemed to take forever to get where it was going. I was disappointed with it compared to the first 2 books, which I couldn’t put down. Has anyone else read The Maze Runner series?

6. I watched the first 7 episodes of season 1 of Mad Men.

I don’t get why everyone is so crazy about this show. I mean, it’s decent and well acted, but there is nothing about it that grabs me and makes me need to see the next episode. Also, I don’t like or identify with any of the characters, except Betty. Especially that twerp Pete. Man, he gets on my nerves and I couldn’t figure out why. Then today, I found out he was Connor on Angel. I KNEW he looked familiar. I think I must have latent residual dislike for him.

7.  I discovered that if you fast forward the Mad Men theme song x1 that it sounds like a pretty good techno song. Please tell me someone else has tried this. The Nip/Tuck theme did the same thing. And now I sound like a total loser.


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