Tag Archives: Laser Hair Removal Hurts like a Bitch

Destroy them with Lasers

So, this isn’t my typical post. But I change it up every now and then because I’m a spicy girl and I do spicy things. A couple weeks ago, a friend told me she wanted to buy a laser hair removal Groupon but wasn’t sure what to expect from the appointment. So she asked me a bunch of questions about my experience like, “why does Justin Beiber’s hair look so soft?” Then another friend suggested I write a post about it. So here is that post with those questions. Everything you never wanted to know about laser hair removal. (I swear I didn’t write the questions.)

What has been your experience with laser hair removal?

I’ve gone to two different places. One for my underarms (the place that asked me for a gratuity) and one for my bikini line. One of the places didn’t prepare me at all for the appointment and the other made sure that I knew everything before I came in. So, every place is different. I can tell you, it’s worth it.

What happens in an appointment?

It’s pretty simple. You lay down, put on a pair of dorky glasses to protect your eyes, and they get to zappin’. Sometimes they will use a clear gel as a conductor for the laser and sometimes they won’t. Five minutes later, you’re done.

The laser technician told me the area might feel sunburned afterwards, but that never happened for me.

How often do you have to go?

Every six weeks. Usually they recommend six appointments. So if you buy a Groupon, make sure it’s one with six appointments and not three.  After my  last underarm appointment, the girl recommended two “touch up” appointments which I haven’t made.

Did it hurt?

Hell yes. I’ve heard some people use numbing cream but I haven’t been offered it at either place. When I asked about it, I was told I could have it but I needed to come in 30 minutes early to apply it. I think we know how that went. Lazy = 1, Paula = o. The underarms hurt the most. It feels like 1000 crazy ass bees poking your pits at the same time.

The bikini line is far less painful but let’s be real, your privates are still being shot at with lasers.

How quickly do you see results?

After the first appointment. I didn’t have to shave for a week or more for both areas and even when I started shaving again, it was way less frequent.

Was it awkward?

The underarms, no. But letting someone laser around your junk is a different story. It’s not as horrifically uncomfortable as I imagined but I also wasn’t getting a Brazilian.

Some people take off their underwear, but I do not. If you do wear underwear when getting the bikini line done, wear white because the lasers love black and you don’t need your pants on fire. Or DO YOU?

Does it remove the hair completely?

No. It removes most of the hair (about 80%) but everyone is different.

Is there anything I need to do/know before I go?

  • Shave the area the day before your appointment and do it well, because if there is a stray hair, that sucker is getting burned off on top of your skin. And I speak from experience, that shit hurts.
  • Don’t expose the area to sun at all during treatment and don’t use lotion on the area being treated. (But you can use aloe afterwards.)
  • I’d recommend wearing a tank top for underarm hair removal and a skirt if you’re getting the bikini line done. Pants around your ankles is never a good look.

I have no advice for those of you that have the cajones to go full Brazilian. That crap is crazy and you are on your own.



Filed under Uncategorized

Saturday Seven

1. On Wednesday, I went out for an easy run that turned into a speed run. I did 5 miles at a 9:39 average pace. I ran 2 miles and then stopped at a water fountain in the park. Then I got the bright idea to run as fast as I could (when there’s not someone chasing me with a knife) to the next water fountain, get a drink, take a minute or two walk, and then repeat. So my run ended up looking like this:

  • Mile 1: 9:54
  • Mile 2: 9:37
  • Mile 3: 9:31
  • Mile 4: 9:16
  • Mile 5: 9:07

That’s pretty fast for my slow ass. And it wasn’t even on a treadmill. <—-progress

2. I went to see Breaking Dawn yesterday. I’m gonna stop talking about things I’m looking forward to on the blog because they turn out shitty. First my marathon, then Breaking Dawn. From now on, I’m only talking about Carrot Top and Yanni.

So, yeah, I thought Breaking Dawn was the worst movie in the series so far. I was pretty disappointed because it was my favorite book of the four. Also, I thought Eclipse was the worst book and it was my favorite of the movies.

There were things about Breaking Dawn that I liked but a lot of things I didn’t.

*Spoilers in the next paragraph if you haven’t read the books*

The first half of the movie was pretty boring. The wedding was drawn out and they downplayed Bella’s injuries big time after the first honeymoon night, probably for the pg-13 rating. There was a scene with the wolf pack talking that was just ridiculous and I swear it didn’t seem that lame in the book. I did like how they handled Bella’s transformation, but they downplayed the pain she went through. I just think they could have shown more with the transformation and nixed some of the wedding stuff including a dream sequence that wasn’t even necessary.

I’m hoping Part 2 will be awesome. And now I’ve become one of those annoying people that complain the movie isn’t as good as the book and get all snobby about it.

3. I noticed on the last post a lot of you are big Hunger Games fans too. 🙂 Has anyone seen Battle Royale?

It was made in 2000 and is basically the Japanese (i.e. subtitles), bloody version of Hunger Games. The movie is really good (except the very end kinda sucks).

4. I met my group for a 14 mile run this morning that turned into a 10 mile run (10:19 pace). Brad and I were killing it pace-wise and then my knee started hurting at mile 7.5. That would be the same pain I had during the marathon and it started during the same mile. Awesome. I made it to mile 10 and backed out of the last four. When I got home, I iced my knee for a half hour. Incidentally, my shoulder didn’t hurt at all, which is the one thing that’s been hurting all week. WTF body?

5. I went for my second laser hair removal appointment today. I asked all sorts of questions like why they don’t use numbing cream and where babies come from. The technician told me that other clients said they feel no difference when using the cream so she doesn’t use it (hmm). She said I could use it next time if I wanted to come in 45 minutes earlier than the appointment time. Since it takes about 12 seconds to do each underarm, and women all over the world are giving birth without drugs, I figured I could handle 12 seconds of the death laser.

They didn’t even ask for a tip this time! And the lady that does the lasering complimented my hair again. Really, all you need to do is compliment me to make me forget why I was mad to begin with. Nicely done, laser lady. Nicely done.

6. I hate coffee and my best friend made me drink a Starbuck’s coffee yesterday. Ok, so it wasn’t called coffee. It was a Peppermint Mocha Frapucchino Light. It was free. And it was magnificent. I do not need Starbucks to be my new money vacuum.

7. In my quest to try every vodka flavor in existence, I bought this today.

I have no idea what to do with it, but I’m sure I’ll figure something out. There was also “Gummy” flavor. I couldn’t think of anything to mix with it so I didn’t buy it, but now I need it.  *cough*Christmas present*cough*

What would you mix with Marshmallow vodka?

What’s your favorite Twilight movies in order of most to least favorite? I vote Eclipse, Twilight, New Moon, Breaking Dawn.


Filed under Uncategorized

Quick and Painful

Over a month ago, I bought an Eversave deal for 6 laser hair removal treatments for $89. (It was $99 and I had a $10 off coupon.)

My first treatment was Saturday and it was totally not what I was expecting. I want both my underarms and bikini line done, but I went with my underarms first since I’m not sure I’m ready for strangers to point lasers at my lady parts.

You have to shave before you arrive to the relief of my husband and anyone I wear a tank top in front of. Once I arrived, I filled out 6 sheets of paperwork, one of which stated if you were using some sort of coupon (Groupon, Living Social, Eversave), that gratuities were accepted since the price was so cheap. You know what I think is cheap? Actually asking for gratuities.

On a side note, the lady doing the treatment told me I smelled good. I get compliments all the time on my perfume, but I hate when people ask what I’m wearing because then I have to tell them.

Once I got into the treatment room, I had to take my deodorant off. There were 2 laser machines, one for light skin and one for dark skin. The light skin machine wasn’t “calibrating” so the lady had to use the dark skin machine on me. (Light-skinned people can use the dark-skinned machine but not the other way around.)

I don’t know why, but I was expecting some type of Total Recall red laser retina scan except on my armpits. It looked more like this but with protective glasses and a horrified look on my face.

It felt like 15-20 quick blasts of evil. Think of it as a bunch of bees stinging you at once in a concentrated area really fast. After the first blast, I’m pretty sure I yelled “holy shit.” Each underarm lasted about 20 seconds and I was done. It hurt and it was hard to sit still for and now I have 5 more painful sessions left. Each session is done 6 weeks apart. The lady told me my underarms are supposed to turn red after the treatment and they didn’t, so she’s going to have to up the strength of the laser next time. Awesome. At least I know I have really resilient armpits now. And you know I smell like a hooker.

When I was leaving, the girl at the counter asked if I wanted to leave a gratuity. (I didn’t because I didn’t have any cash with me. I’m also annoyed that they even asked in addition to have a whole sheet of paperwork dedicated to it.) Has anyone else left a gratuity for laser hair removal? How much do you leave?


Filed under Uncategorized