That Time I Became a Cougar

I signed up for the Orlando Half Marathon today.

The race is a week after the Space Coast half, which is why I wasn’t planning on running it, but eh, why not? The race is downtown which is 15 minutes away from my house so it’s not like I have to make an effort to get there.

my chauffer and I ran this one two years ago and now we’re back for redemption! Ok. Not really. We’re run/walking it together and holding hands while we cross the finish line. Or I will leave her pregnant ass in the dust during the last mile just because I need to enjoy being faster than her while I can.

Thank you unborn child for making me faster than your mommy.

Speaking of running, I did a 5.5 tempo run on the treadmill last night.

  • 1 @ 10:00
  • 4 @ 8:51
  • .50 @ 10:00

I’ve come to the conclusion that I totally suck at tempo runs. How is it possible that I ran the UCF 5 miler at a 9:08 pace but can’t run more than one tempo mile at 8:51 without taking a walk break? It happens every.freakin.time. Maybe it’s because I run at night and I’m tired from the day? But I suck at working out in the mornings too, so I can’t win.

At least I had a good distraction. I watched X-Factor which I don’t consistently watch since most of my life is wasted in front of the TV anyway but I like to catch it at the gym every now and then. One Direction performed on the show, who I’ve never seen before. Did anyone else see them? Not only did I not know they were a UK boy band (English accents!), but I didn’t know the band was formed on X-Factor. Then I started to wonder, how old do you have to be to be a cougar?

That’s Harry. I love him and he’s barely legal. But barely is still legal in the eyes of the law.

Seriously, how cute is he? And also, how creepy am I? (You can answer both of those.) Since last night, I’ve spent way too much time looking up pictures of him. Plus, he has nice teeth. I love a guy with nice teeth.


So there you have it. A running post turned into a creepy 36-year old woman predator post.


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12 responses to “That Time I Became a Cougar

  1. How much do I love the quote coming from the baby? Let me count the ways.

    I still admire your treadmill running. I am a full on, unapologetic treadmill hater so I think it takes a special level of dedication to get on one with any regularity. Personally, that’s why my treadmill runs are a lot slower than they are outside, but who knows?

  2. Amber K

    I always say that I refuse to be considered a cougar until I am at least 40 if not 45. But what a cutie!

  3. You can sprint ahead, but damnit, you better come back and hold my hand across that finish line. Especially if it’s cold outside. Then maybe we can cuddle after. You can pretend I’m Harry Styles.

  4. I hope you enjoy leaving her pregnant butt in the dust. I would do the same 🙂

  5. Liz

    I laughed out loud while reading this blog. Seriously. And don’t feel bad, please. I am 51 and find your little boy band member adorably cute! That makes me MUCH worse than any ‘ol cougar. Just sayin’

  6. Sometimes it’s nice to have a couple months of being skinnier and faster and having a designated driver. Pregnant friends are pretty awesome sidekicks.

  7. I think I read somewhere that you have to be over 35 to be a cougar? My husband’s cousin is dating a much older woman, but she’s in her late 20s so we call her the puma.

  8. Mz. Teri

    Oh, Paula, you’re just a tiger, not a cougar.

    I’ve heard you have to be at least in your fifties to be a cougar, even though my kids like to tease me and call me a cougar because I’m dating a younger man… by only 4 years. Yea, I’m [almost] a cougar. 😉

    • Paula

      Alright, I can accept that I’m a tiger. I like that sound of that. Plus, I’ll be ready to be cougared (like being knighted!) in a few years since Fabian is 2 years younger than me. 🙂

  9. As a middle school teacher, I got an earful about 1D. They are so cute. (Confession: I once spent an evening watch their music videos and interviews in YouTube.)*

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