Tag Archives: Bewbs

The Boob Post

I realize this might be a sensitive subject for some. Or maybe controversial. Or offensive. I don’t know. It’s pretty hard to offend me so I have no basis for what other people might think. But I’m going to talk about it anyway and if you don’t like it, then go somewhere else. It’s cool. I get it. For those of you who decide to stick around, I’m talking about…

Boobies

On Monday, I had a consultation to get a breast enhancement. At least, that’s what the pamphlet calls it. It sounds better than “boob job” and also prevents me from spelling “boob” like “bewb” because I think it’s funny.

Anyway, I wasn’t actively seeking out doctors, but a friend of mine mentioned her breast reduction, how much it’s changed her life for the better, and how much she loved her doctor. She highly (and I mean highly) recommended this guy, so I asked for his information.

boobs-y-i-no-have-any

A breast enhancement is something I’ve thought about since I was 17. Not in a “I will do this someday” kinda way but more in a “that would be nice” kinda way – like when you think about winning the lottery.

My bra size is 36A. I have been heavier and thinner but my bra size always stays the same. I am not one of the lucky people who can gain 10lbs and have it all go to my chest. It’s hard to find bras my size that aren’t in the Juniors section and a 36 in Juniors is nothing like a 36 in a Women’s size. I buy bras, sports bras, and bathing suit tops only if their padded. And sometimes I just find myself thinking, “damn, this top would look so much better on me if I had something.”

Like here.

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Or here.

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It’s really weird to post pictures when you know everyone is looking straight at the ta-tas.

Before the appointment, I filled out some paperwork. There was a question that asked why you were looking to have a procedure done and I answered, “to look better in my shirts.” < — the nurse snickered at that. Is that not common? Next time I’m writing, “to begin my stripping career.”

I was really nervous about the appointment. Like butterflies nervous. I had a lot of pre-conceived notions about what was going to happen. Couldn’t tell you where that came from.

nip_tuck

I talked with the doctor a bit and told him what I was looking for and here’s what I learned:

  1. The surgery takes an hour and you’re asleep the whole time.
  2. You can choose from saline implants (the ones that look like balloons – think Pamela Anderson) or silicone implants (the ones that look more natural).
  3. Silicone implants are more expensive.
  4. Saline implants need to be replaced every 7-10 years.
  5. Silicone implants need to be replaced every 10-15 years.
  6. You go back for yearly check ups. (They’re free with this doctor.)
  7. You can choose if you want the implant under or over the muscle. (Under has more recovery time but looks better.)
  8. You have to rest for 2-3 days afterwards and (slow) walking is the only exercise you can do for the first two weeks.
  9. After two weeks, you can do lower body workouts.
  10. After six weeks, you can do upper body workouts.
  11. Not only are my breasts currently different sizes, they are also uneven. Could have gone without knowing that.

Anyway, I know a lot of that is workout-based information but that was my biggest concern when it came to recovery. I’m not good at resting. I’m one of those people that will clean during commercial breaks and do the dishes before I leave for work. Also, in what might be the most awkward homework assignment ever, the doctor asked me to bring in pictures of boobs I like. So it’s gonna get weird for awhile.

Homer

Overall, I really liked the doctor and I don’t generally like male doctors. Best part? The consultation was free. Did not expect that. I just had a really good vibe about the place but…I haven’t scheduled the surgery yet. Overall, I’m just scared to do any type of elective surgery, I’m scared to change the body I’ve had for 36 years, and I’m scared to have something artificial in my body. (That doesn’t include Splenda, smart asses.)

So now you know all about my boobs. Or lack thereof. I know some think changing your body means you have self-esteem issues, and think that if you want. I guarantee you, that is not the case. I have bad days like anyone else but I definitely think I’m wicked awesome most of the time. I’m sharing this because I’d like to hear about your experience if you’ve had one or the experience of someone you know.

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