It’s been a long time since I’ve done a search term post. I’m not sure what happened, but all my search terms were either boring or they had to do with American Horror Story. Not really blog worthy. But lately, I’ve seen some good ones, so I thought I would resurrect this charmer of a post and give you a few of my search terms lately.
I get a lot of searches for “eat watch run” and bless you all for not bookmarking my site and just typing it in a search engine everyday. I don’t know how you remember to do that. But I’m pretty sure “eatwatches” isn’t a typo and they probably didn’t get what they came for. Or maybe they did?
You eat everything, Val. You eat everything.
2. Pooping time
You definitely got what you came for.
I don’t know why I felt the need to search for pictures of Jasper from Twilight today but I do think he always looks like he needs to poop.
3. Just 3 more and I’ll forget her
Three more what exactly?
Ah yes. Three more of those.
4. Carb loading for a half that’s out of town
I’m glad someone searched this. Because carb loading for a half that’s in town is certainly different.
5. After dinner nipples
Well, this is a dessert I haven’t heard of before.
If you actually made it this far in the post and are one of the few people entertained by these (besides me), there’s unfortunately more where that came from:
Read those at your own risk. I can’t guarantee they’re good.
If you’re new to my blog, every now and then I like to pick the most interesting search terms that have found my blog and welcome those searchers. I hope you found what you were looking for – especially whoever searched “I love to come home and eat alone.” Me too, buddy. Me too.
1. How many miles does it take to walk off 3282 calories?
Wow. That is a pretty specific calorie count. But I like that you have goals and are willing to Google for them instead of say, standing up and walking somewhere. Unfortunately, all I can think about is how I want to be your friend, if you share food, and what you just ate.
3. Irritated graph
I can’t think of a post that would lead to this search term, so in an effort to not disappoint the next person:
4. Poo porn
I googled this to see what could have possibly come up related to my blog. Let’s just say that wasn’t the best idea at work. On an almost unrelated note, I heard a radio commercial for “Bear Skin” condoms on the radio during a workout the other week. I thought that couldn’t possibly be comfortable until my personal trainer assured me it was spelled b-a-r-e.
5. Worst photos ever taken
That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?
I think you can stop acting like a bunny tramp.
If you’ve missed any of the last search term posts, you can check them out here:
This is another post dedicated to those of you who have found my blog though the following search terms. You make logging into my blog every day an adventure. A really disturbing adventure. (Oh, and this post is also for my friend, Ali, because she asked me to do another one. Hi Ali!)
1. Will expired mustard hurt you?
Only if you hurt its feelings first.
2. I don’t feel like stepping out of home.
All I can say is that you’ve come to the right place.
3. What kind of food does James Spader like to eat?
You pose an interesting question. Usually I like to do searches on which side Colin Farrell parts his hair but I did some research for you anyway. And from the looks of it lately, he eats…
I know someone who feels your pain, James.
This one baffles me. Out of all the things that come up in this unspecific search and you thought my blog was the answer? Searching the number 2 found my…OH.
I get it now.
5. Nike Shox porn
What does this even mean?
If you missed my other search term posts, you can check them out here:
Also, check out my guest post over at Michelle’s blog. It’s a treat, I tell ya. Tell her hello in her blog comments too. She’s on a plane to Boston and needs something to read when she lands.
I thought I would dedicate another post to those of you who found my blog through the following search terms. Please know you make logging in every day a delight. And I mean that.
(If you missed the first post on search terms, check it out here. )
1. Ass of the year
2. How to make towels not smell.
My first thought was to wash them but apparently there are other options.
3. I’m a personal trainer and my spouse is always jealous.
I’m thinking these things must have something to do with one another. So, my suggestion would be to corner the market on training ugly folks.
4. I need my mother for everything.
I think you’re looking for my ex-boyfriend.
5. William Baldwin 1992
Not a funny search, but I appreciate the specificity of it. I think a 1992 Baldwin is hard to come by.
6. Celebrity look-a-likes in South Africa
This can only mean one thing. You think I look like Charlize Theron.
I know. You’re thinking, “which one is Paula?” Well, I’ll never tell.
I’m going to dedicate this post to those of you who found my blog through the following search terms. I mean this when I say it – I hope you found what you’re looking for.
1. Unicorn poop cupcakes
I’m a big fan of cupcakes and I would expect no less than a mythical creature to poop them. I just didn’t know that everyone else knew about this like I did.
2. Lap sit
I’m not sure how I feel about these. Someone out there is organizing lap sits and I hope they found inspiration in me. Somehow.
3a. Just recently I have a lot of really small bumps on my face
3b. Picking at my face
3c. Getting boils all over
4. Hilarious nutella
Yes, Nutella is quite hilarious. Did you find what you were looking for through this post
? If so, here’s one that didn’t get posted from that “photo shoot.” Just for you. You’re welcome.
5. Guess who looks like Gary Busy?
I’m thinking the answer was me.
Well, maybe a little in the eyes.
6. Made to eat toe nails
I googled this for shits and giggles and a picture of my feet actually came up. Thank you for choosing my foot among the masses.
7. What do you look like when your 6 weeks pregnant?
I…I have nothing.
8. Penis stickers for toenails
A picture of my foot was the THIRD picture that came up for this in Google. I think I’m starting to get a complex.
What’s the weirdest search term you’ve gotten on your blog?